The truth is…I left a “good” marriage with no villain and no logical explanation
Episode overview
In this candid, tender conversation, Jen Oliver and Jen Aks discuss what it means to tell the truth and end a relationship—especially when it was seemingly “really good.” There was no villain and no tidy explanation that satisfies logic. Jen Aks shares the pivotal choice to leave her 20-year marriage, the internal cost of trusting her body when her mind demanded proof, and how truth-telling reshaped her relationships, parenting, identity, and purpose.
The conversation moves from truth as concept to truth as embodied practice: the difference between heart and gut, why the body “knows” first, and is a practical pathway to clarity, calm, and confident action.
What you’ll hear in this episode
- The moment Jen Aks realized her body was whispering… then screaming (03:17–08:01)
- Why it’s hard to leave when nothing is “wrong” and everything looks “perfect” from the outside (03:47–05:50)
- The cost count: kids, guilt, family, finances, and society’s scripts (15:28–21:04)
- A powerful reframe: not just what you’re “taking,” but what you’re giving through truth (21:10–22:26)
- A relief valve for guilt: “This is their story now” + “hold people able” (23:38–26:58)
- The difference between heart vs gut, and why words aren’t always required for truth (13:39–14:59; 10:04–11:41)
- A practical tool: using hands/gesture to invite discomfort in, release it, and return to clarity (30:09–35:39)
- “Yes, and…”—how doubt can coexist with knowing (43:14–43:42)
- After the truth: shedding, spiritual awakening, and a deeper sense of mission (37:45–40:31; 49:54–50:43)
Key takeaways
- Truth isn’t always logical. Sometimes there’s no checklist explanation—only a bodily knowing.
- Your body may speak before your mind can translate. Physical signals (nausea, headaches, agitation, craving solitude) can be information.
- Not having the words doesn’t invalidate the truth. “The feeling is enough.”
- Truth has costs—and also gifts. Especially with kids: the reframe is “What am I modeling for them?”
- You don’t need to villainize someone to leave. A relationship can be loving and still complete.
- Staying can be true, too. No shame—if you stay, the work is reclaiming yourself inside the choice.
- Embodied practices create clarity. Calm isn’t the goal; calm is the path to clarity and confidence.
- It’s never too late to tell the truth about how you handled the past. Repair and honesty can happen years later.
Memorable concepts & frameworks mentioned
- Heart vs. gut: heart can be emotionally compelling; gut is a deeper “knowing” (13:39–14:59)
- Power of gesture: hands + nervous system + emotion processing (27:41–35:39)
- “Hold people able” from Susan Scott / Fierce Conversations (26:09–26:58) (also references Fierce Leadership)
- Relationship truth + dignity, referencing relationship mediator Staci Bartley (09:02–10:04)
- Jen Aks’ book and her TEDxFolsom talk (11:41–12:09)
About Jen Aks:
Jen Aks is a TEDx speaker, author, and leadership coach who helps people reconnect with their body's wisdom to unlock powerful, authentic leadership. On August 16, 2025, she delivered her TEDx talk Your Body's Hidden Intelligence: From Mindset to Bodyset, introducing a revolutionary concept that challenges decades of mindset-focused approaches. Her debut book Your Body is Speaking launched on September 30, 2025, and became a #1 bestseller in the self-help category. Jen guides leaders—from CEOs and executives to parents and educators—to lead with clarity and confidence by trusting their body's intelligence. Her areas of expertise include embodied leadership, somatic intelligence, helping people find their authentic voice and communicate it with authority.
Website: https://jenaks.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jen_aks/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jennferaks
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jen_aks
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenaks/
TicTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jen_aks
About Jen Oliver:
Jen Oliver is a speaker, podcaster, and communications coach - equipping people to speak with greater impact and presence. Whether you are speaking on stage, promoting your brand, or voicing your needs in a relationship - communicating with your truest voice and cultivating human connection with your audience is the key to influence. Jen coaches individuals privately and within her Signature group programs - in addition to delivering workshops as a guest expert in a variety of settings.
Jen serves as a 4-season Executive Producer, Director of Curation, and Speaker Coach for TEDxFolsom. She is a committed force behind WomanSpeak™ - an internationally recognized body of work teaching the art and soul of public speaking. Jen is on a mission to support 1 million women as they speak with uncommon levels of freedom and confidence. Tap into more at
email: jen@REALjenoliver.com
podcast website: ListenForREAL.com
website: REALJenOliver.com
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